The Nanaimo Beacon has come into the possession of the list mid-Island donors to the recent trucker occupation’s crowdfunding web site.

As a public service, we are publishing the notes they left when donating, along with our review of those notes.

(These are real comments from real mid-Island donors disclosed by the leak. We did not make any up. And while we also know the names of each of the 181 Nanaimo-area donors, we will not be publishing those, nor will we share the source database with you. Mid-Island residency was confirmed by postal code and IP address.)

“May GOD and all the ANGELS and SAINTS protect our TRUCKER Heros Forevermore!”

—Female, $2,000

There were two $2,000 donations (the highest in the mid-Island area) and this poor lady probably should keep that money and buy a new keyboard, considering her caps lock key keeps sticking. Or perhaps it’s a deliberate attempt to add truckers to a fourth position in the holy trinity? GOD, ANGELS, SAINTS, TRUCKERS?

“End these unlawful mandates in Canada and BC. Government must quite discriminating against its own people. Rom 13 – government does not get to redefine good and evil, they are to uphold what is good, or we will oppose as we are now!“

—Male, $150

Still with the Jesus people for a moment… We’re not entirely sure what version of the Bible this guy is referring to, but Romans 13:1 actually reads: “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities… whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.”

(In fact, the entire first chunk of Romans 13 is about submitting to authority, not rebelling against it.)

Awkward.

But never mind; who the hell cares about those shady Romans. Let’s check in with the Apostle Peter (1 Peter 2:13): “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men.”

Uh…. well, I think we all know the New Testament is bunk. Because when we check Hebrews 13:17, we find… uh…. “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls.”

Damn. Bibling is hard.

“May God’s perfect will be done, here in Canada, and in the entire world. God bless our truckers, and all who support freedom. May God guide ALL people into truth.”

—Gender unknown, $450

More God stuff. Won’t somebody think of the Buddhists?!

“We are the resistance.”

—Male, $100

No, you’re not. You’re a keyboard warrior with free healthcare, who lacks even the slightest sense of historical context.

You want to know who “the resistance” was?

• Tommy Prince was the resistance. He was from the Ojibwa Nation, and fought against the Germans in the 1st Canadian Special Service Battalion. To this day, he is one of our country’s most decorated soldiers.
• Raoul Wallenberg was the resistance. He was a Swedish diplomat who saved the lives of thousands of Jews during the holocaust by issuing protective passports and sheltering them in buildings designated as Swedish territory.
• Carrie M. Best was the resistance. During the racist 1940s, she had the audacity to sit in the “whites only” section of a Nova Scotia theatre, and was arrested for it. In the 1960s, she wrote a weekly newspaper column about Indigenous rights. The 60s!

You, my friend, are not the resistance.

Sit down.

“Sending as much love and support (and $) as I can at this time. More money will come as needed (and as I can afford it!).”

—Male, $350

We checked. This person did not send more “as needed.”

“Thank you for standing up for all of us. Happy Freedom Day Jan 29!!”

—Male, $50

There is no such holiday as “Freedom Day” in Canada, unless you’re thinking of Remembrance Day, where we honour people who sacrificed their lives so we Canadians could have the freedom to express opinion.

Actually, January 29th is Freethinkers’ Day, celebrating the birthday of Thomas Paine — whose most popular work was a book called (pause for dramatic irony) “Common Sense.”

“GENERAL STRIKE FOR FREEDOM!! God Bless You Freedom Fighting Truckers!”

—Male, $300

Huh? A strike? Are we talking about the same occupation?

Strikes are about achieving economic or political objectives to restore or establish equity between classes — not using anti-pandemic rhetoric as a cover for white supremacy.

Also, 30 points off for the extra exclamation point and unnecessary capitalization.

“Those Basters,I will never donate to Go Me”

— Male, $100

There is so much to unpack here.

First of all, we’ve got admit that the basters are the real fucking problem in this mess. Nobody asked you to lap fatty melted butter all over our steak — it’s fatty enough!

At least we know this fellow will never donate to people who make fabric cutter starting sets because I think we can all agree those people are worse than the basters.

“Your saving my life thank you”

—Male, $300

…says the guy who is paying people to extort a government to end literally life-saving public policies.

500 points off for not understanding the difference between “your” and “you’re.” It’s not hard, people.

Thank you truckers! You have restored my faith in my country by bring us together to show us we CAN stand on our feet rather than die on our knees.

—Female, $75

Fun fact: Not one of the 2,766 people killed by COVID in British Columbia to date have died while kneeling.

Instead, they died gasping for air, plugged into a ventilator, while their grief-stricken family said goodbye over Facetime.

Even the most conservative estimates say the death toll would easily have been triple without some form of public health measures.

There is a very real chance that those measures, which you think are so abhorrent, saved your life too.

Still, 50 bonus points for the cute analogy. Kudos.

“They believe they can stop this movement by cancelling our original donations to freedom. They are wrong. Now is our time to realize that the government even more corrupt. HONK HONK Justin. Its time to come out of your hiding spot and face the nation. We will be heard. This is about freedom!”

—Male, $300

This fellow thought he’d be clever and put “Bonnie Henry Collective” as his name. Unfortunately for him, he also needed to put his real name in the credit card field. Right, D? 😉

But grammatically speaking, we have to admit that (with the exception of missing the word “is”) this is impeccable.

We’ll even let the “honk honk” bit slide.

“Thank you truckers for giving a voice to those of us who have been silenced for too long. Stay calm and stay firm.”

—Female, $200

Stay firm? How excited do you think these truckers are?!

“Hold the line truckers we have your back ?”

—Male, $200

The question mark here is telling — a sense of hesitation and doubt, perhaps? Note that this guy put a space between the last word and this punctuation, implying a sense of distance, of disconnection… a world imbued with missed connections… made even more jarring by the noticeable lack of any punctuation in any other part of his note. Is he worried about his donation? About the state of humanity? Surely, this an existential cry for help.

Or maybe it’s just a shitty poem.

We’ll never know.

“Many thanks to Givesendgo for stepping up & helping our Truckers. May Go Fund Me along with our Embarrassing Dictators ( Trudope & Puppets ), all freeze in the dark. If I were any where near Ottawa, I would relish the opportunity to shut off any gas heating whatever hole he may be hiding in.”

—Male, $200

Honestly, this might be the most Canadian threat ever: “I will shut off your gas, motherfucker!”

200 bonus points for the Trudope name.

“Hold the line!!! We are with you truckers!!!”

—Male and Female couple, $100

This exclamation point thing is getting out of hand, that we know for sure now.

What’s still unclear is why he’s quoting Toto.

“Please consider giving the trucker’s name and email for direct deposit as I believe this will be shut down again. We could donate that way – post on facegroup maybe. already I can hardly read this site and it was hard to find and it isn’t working well.”

—Female, $100

We concur — having the names, email addresses, and banking information of these truckers out in the public and posted on “Facegroup” would be fan-fucking-tastic. Who’d like to volunteer their information first?

“You are our only hope…”

Female, $25

So we’re just quoting Star Wars lines now?

Great effort. Low income senior on Vancouver Island – formerly [redacted]. Good live feeds on Youtube, etc. Sadly, the foul language will dilute the effectiveness, to some extent.

—Male, $20

It’s not Nanaimo until someone some old guy complains about the swearing. 😂