Each year since we started this weird little satire project, we’ve put aside a bit of money every time someone followed our Facebook page, and donated that amount to a local Nanaimo community charity:

This year, we are continuing the tradition, with a small change.

It’s been nearly two full years now since the start of the global pandemic. It has taken the lives of 2,420 B.C. residents [source].

And while there’s been lots of debate about virus’s origins and policy priorities, I think the one thing we can all agree on is this:

The fucking doofuses haven’t helped.

So, this year, we are donating 50¢ for every single doofus in the Nanaimo-Ladysmith riding who voted for the science-denying, healthcare-worker protesting, anti-vax People’s Party of Canada.

Yes, the PPC — the only party that put “Fire Chief Public Health Officer of Canada, Theresa Tam” in its election platform. (We understand that many people who voted for the People’s Party of Canada may be disappointed with this news, and we recommend you call our Reader Complaint line at (248) 434-5508 to register your displeasure.)

Fun Fact: The PPC elected the NDP in this riding. The spread between the winning NDP candidate and the Conservative candidate was only 1,281. If the PPC votes had gone to the Conservative candidate (which is most likely), the Conservatives would have handily won Nanaimo-Ladysmith. Good thinkin’, Maxime.

Anyway, the more we saw the headlines of the PPC-inspired doofuses protesting against healthcare workers at Nanaimo hospital and, for some reason, Walmart, the more it became apparent that we all need to be doing a better job raising a new generation of children who understand science, rational argument, testing, and overall non-douchery.

Thus, after a long deliberation, this year we have decided to award our annual community donation to Nanaimo Science:

The mission of the Nanaimo Science and Sustainability Society (Nanaimo Science) is to inspire children and develop their interest in science and sustainability through hands-on learning. 

We support educators through in-school science programs, field trips, and other resources.  We work with home school learners and with other children’s groups to provide science learning opportunities within our science studio or elsewhere via our “Science on the Move” program.  We also take part in several free or by-donation events across the central Vancouver Island region, including our own “Science in the Park” series during the summer months, “Science Spooktacular” in October, and “Science Saturday” – a landmark yearly event where we bring together various science and environmental organizations to showcase their programming and activities to families.

There were 3,385 people who voted for the PPC in our mid-Island riding, putting our donation at $1,692.50. And if you also feel like the world could use more science-aware human beings, feel free to add your own donation to Nanaimo Science on their Canada Helps page.

The front-line workers in our mid-Island family need our support more than ever. If you’ve laughed even once at one of our low-effort satire articles this year, pay us back by doing something nice for one of these people — even if all you do is look them right in their eyes and say “I just want you to know that I really appreciate all that you’re doing.”

Also, fuck you, Maxime.