Join the email list or follow us on BlueskyMastodon • TikTokYouTube (we do not post on X or Meta platforms)

Nanaimo’s First Uber Driver is Only Ten Years Old

City/Politics

He just turned ten, but already Nanaimo’s first ride-share driver says he’s been thrilled with the enthusiastic reception to ride-sharing.

Jack Fitzyhere drives his parent’s Peugeot 108 after school for about six hours each night. He says in the last week he’s made more money than he’s ever had in his short life. “Honestly, it’s been great,” he told The Beacon. “I usually only make like $5 a week from my cheap-ass parents — and I have to do chores for that. With Uber, I can clear almost $100 a night.”

Jack says he decided to try being a ride-share driver out after he witnessed the state of Nanaimo’s drivers. “Look, I’ve been a passenger all my life. I’ve seen the way people drive out here. It’s fucking atrocious,” he said, casually flipping a loonie into his parents’ Swear Jar. “Have you seen the way people drive in Nanaimo?! I mean, I’m only ten, but even I can drive better than that.”

Jack admits he is at a disadvantage because of his height, and can not actually see above the dashboard. But, he says, he’s developed a finely tuned sense of sound, and can tell roughly when cars and obstacles are in front of him, based on echos he hears.

Uber recently has come under fire after its recent “We don’t listen to bitches” corporate apology video:

Nanaimo is the first major Island city to get ride-share services. The Passenger Transportation Board have so far rejected applications from companies that applied to serve Greater Victoria.

0 Comments

Get Our Latest Articles

Join the email list or follow us on: Bluesky, Mastodon, TikTok, or YouTube (we do not post on X or Meta platforms)

About This Site

The articles on this web site are fictional works of satire.

Reader Complaint Line

Angry about something you read here? Call us at (248) 434-5508.

Keep Reading…

Nanaimo’s New “Enhanced for Fitness” Bike Lanes -3

Nanaimo’s New “Enhanced for Fitness” Bike Lanes -3

UPDATE: This story has been updated with comments from Nanaimo citizens; see bottom of article. NANAIMO — Mid-Island residents will soon have an easier way to keep fit, thanks to what the City of Nanaimo calls "Fitness-Enhanced" bicycle lanes. The lanes have raised...