“Were the Mayor to be a little more transparent, I think the City would be better off.” —comment in Facebook group

Just a day after being criticized on social media for failing to release recent speaking notes, Nanaimo mayor Leonard Krog has released his first annual “Transparency Report” on the City’s web site.

While most of the report consists of his exercise and weight-lifting routines, the report disturbingly reveals a Mayor generally doing a pretty good job and being a moderately decent fellow.

Among the report’s specifics, he has cursed three times since the beginning of the year. “By law, His Worship is permitted up to six usages of ‘shit’ and two ‘fuck’s,” said City official Sheila Gurrie. “Unfortunately, because he has already used the latter twice this year, Mayor Krog no longer has any fucks to give.”

Krog was recently a hot topic of social media discussion, after speaking notes for his “State of the City” presentation to the Nanaimo Chamber of Commerce were not made public.

However, The Beacon has been leaked a copy of his comments. They include:

The State of the City is strong. Although not nearly as strong, of course, as my quadriceps femoris muscles. We have ensured continued production of our city’s vital leek crops, and created two new jobs in the City’s department of redundancy department. We have also resolved the legal issue with former CAO Tracy Samra, though as a part of the settlement, we must only refer to her as an emoji: ????

— Mayor Leonard Krog, speaking at Chamber of Commerce event

The report also contains other shockingly mundane details, including:

• 48 pages of poetry by John Keats and Robert Frost, personally curated by the Mayor
• Expenses totalled only $420.69 for 2019
• He received two gifts from building developers in 2019 — one figurine of an elf dressed up as a construction worker, and a painting of Victor Mema sensually reclining partially naked on a chaise-lounge
• Mayor Krog attended 198 community events (he was invited to 41 of them)
• He attended the national CAMLCO* conference and was elected vice-chairman
• He sneezed 82 times, coughed 128 times, and hiccuped for 17 minutes in total (thanks to exceptional control over his core muscles, His Worship does not pass gas).
• He broke into song seven times during City-funded events (lyrics and arrangement of “I’m a Little Teapot” used under licence)

Interestingly, the Transparency Report was released on literal transparencies — all part of the City’s commitment to using more modern technology.

Leonard Krog began his political service in 1991, as the MLA for Parksville-Qualicum. He was elected Nanaimo mayor in October 2018, greeting his supporters at the victory party by saying “It’s me! It was me all along! I was hiding in plain sight!” It was unclear what he meant by this. Reached by The Beacon, Mayor Krog laughed and said he would explain what this reference meant on April 1 of this year.

* Canadian Association of Muscle-Laden Civic Officials