NANAIMO — After an absence of more than three years, it seems Nanaimo’s “Snow Boner” artist has returned.

Municipal officials discovered the sculpture on the lawn of City Hall early this morning. They say girth measurements they took during previous erections of the sculpture appear to be roughly the same proportion as sculptures which popped up in 2017.

Oddly, the Nanaimo RCMP — nationally recognized for their sense of humour — appeared to distance themselves from the sculpture, tweeting:

It was not clear at press time why the RCMP believed the public would mistake the obviously satirical sculpture for a creation of theirs. They say they will launch an investigation to discover the artist’s identity.

“It’s all in good fun,” laughed Mayor Leonard Krog. “Obviously, this isn’t the subject matter I think we would have asked for, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

His Worship then disposed of the sculpture using his internationally acclaimed flexor carpi ulnaris muscles.

In 2017, the city of Nanaimo was plagued by a series of dozens of snow boners. RCMP have not indicated any connection to other well known boner-related public defacements, such as the ones featured recently in a shocking American documentary.


Photo credit: Jamie Woodard, citizen photo journalist

NOTE: THE NANAIMO RCMP WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS IS A SATIRE ARTICLE. THERE WAS NO SNOW BONER. NOTHING IN THIS ARTICLE REFERENCING THE NANAIMO RCMP (FOR INSTANCE, THAT THEY HAVE A “SENSE OF HUMOUR”) SHOULD BE BELIEVED. HELL, THAT’S NOT EVEN THEIR LOGO. IT’S THE CREST OF THE RUSSIAN DEFENCE MINISTRY. EVERYTHING IS FAKE. NOTHING IS REAL. YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE.