NANAIMO — City of Nanaimo officials warn that some residents may be injured, perhaps seriously, by the City’s new Social Distancing Enforcement Robot.

The robotic bylaw enforcement officer will begin patrolling the downtown business district, and will attempt to prevent people from walking within two meters of each other.

“The SDER-2000 will use a series of escalating enforcement options to encourage compliance,” explained David Nessle, head of Nanaimo’s Bylaw, Regulation and Security Division.

“While we certainly don’t want to see any injuries, they are possible, especially given SDER unit’s 18-inch rotating anal drill,” Nessle explained.

The levels of escalation are:

  1. A subtle disapproving glare, with a quiet “tsk tsk” sound emitted from forward-facing speakers.
  2. Robot will say “I’m sorry to bother you, but would you mind keeping just a tad more apart? Thank you so much. I’m so sorry.”
  3. Anal drill deployed.

Because of the sudden nature of this crisis, City officials say they haven’t yet had an opportunity to test the unit.

They say that simply maintaining a two-metre distance is all you need to avoid being painfully drilled in the rectum.

The Beacon declined an opportunity to test the robotic enforcement officer’s abilities.

The City says it has fielded dozens of requests from citizens to rent the unit for their own uses, which the City has declined.