NANAIMO — A misunderstanding between city hall staff and councillors has led to a bylaw requiring single-use products to be entirely wrapped in plastic at the point of sale.

“The intention was to ban single-use plastics,” explained Nanaimo legislative clerk Nathan Poe. “Instead, somehow we passed a motion that required plastics.”

“Honestly, I have no idea how we fucked this one up so badly,” he added. “When Council said they wanted to declare a plastics emergency, I don’t know… some wires obviously got crossed.”

City bylaw 420, which refers to plastics as “the future,” requires all single-use products to be completely surrounded by plastic.

Effective immediately, grocery stores must individually wrap everything from soda cans to cucumbers in plastic.

Poe confirmed that the Canadian Association of Plastics Providers assisted with the drafting of the bylaw language, but said the industry lobby group did not have any votes at the Council table. “So, you know, everything’s on the up and up that way.”

The City paid the Association $420,000 for consulting time.

Interviewed at his private gym, Mayor Leonard Krog explained the mistake was an honest one. “It seems the original intention was actually to ban plastics. My bad. Anywho. You wanna see some kick-ass biceps?”

Council voted to start a feedback panel, a Royal Commission, and initiate a study on the adoption of the new plastic policy.

“Welcome to the ranks of the illiterate,” she said.
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