Hello fellow Harbour City residents,

Since I was elected Mayor, I’ve been very humbled by your letters to me saying how handsome I am and how I must work out every day. I’d like to thank you for your attention to detail.

As you know, this past week, Nanaimo suffered valiantly through several hours of snowfall, sometimes accumulating to a dangerous three inches. It’s clear that the snowfall occurred most in the south end of Nanaimo.

The South is clearly become a dangerous place — not only with the snow, but also the people. When South Nanaimo sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

For months now, I have been advocating for a concrete-and-steel border barrier along Seventh Street, but the low-IQ nitwits on Council seem to not recognize the importance of this issue.

For that reason, I have decided to declare a state of emergency, in order to fund such a wall along the City’s southern boundaries.

Harewood school children, along wall prototype on Seventh Street.

This was not an easy decision to come to, but the idea struck me as I was bench-pressing 100-lb weights and doing my fifth elliptical of the day.

This wall will be funded by taking all the money from the water treatment centre maintenance budget and the snow clearing budgets. I will make people in South Nanaimo pay for it.

Further, I have re-installed former CFO Victor Mema to oversee this operation. Victor has assured me that no less than half of these funds will come from City-owned credit cards. I understand your reservation about having Victor back on staff, so that’s why I have brought Tracy Samra back to provide executive oversight. I am confident that these two will help me Make Nanaimo Great Again.

If you have any comments or concerns, please don’t hesitate to email me at gofuckyourself@nanaimo.ca.

Thank you.

Mayor Leonard Krog

NOTE: This text, and everything on this web site, is a work of parody. Mayor Krog didn’t actually write this. Do we really have to say this?

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