VICTORIA — BC Ferries has cancelled its Departure Bay to Horseshoe Bay route, saying it could not find large enough N95 masks for its fleet.

“The health of our vessels is our top priority,” said acting BC Ferries CEO Nathan Poe. “Until we’re able to source ferry-sized masks, we simply can not take risks with their safety.”

In a peculiar move, officials boasted about the “on-time” schedule of ferry departure since all ferries on the route were halted. “We are pleased to say that none of those sailing have left the dock late,” said Poe. “I mean, they haven’t left at all, but that’s still not late, right?”

News of the shutdown initially came from a leaked memo sent anonymously to CHLY News.

Ferries on other routes will be required to maintain a six-kilometre distance from all other vessels.

The announcement came the same day that U.S. president Donald Trump directed mask manufacturer 3M to stop shipping medical masks to Canada.


This article is satire. Here’s what’s actually true:

Ferries will stop sailing out of Departure Bay for the next two months as B.C. Ferries is making major reductions in sailings on all its routes. The ferry corporation announced Friday morning that service cuts will take effect Saturday, April 4, for a 60-day period, and will impact hundreds of workers. All service on the Departure Bay-Horseshoe Bay route is being ceased, as is all service on the Brentwood Bay-Mill Bay route. — Read more at the Nanaimo Bulletin.

And Donald Trump really did tell 3M to stop shipping masks to Canada. Seriously. Fuck Donald Trump.

The Beacon Buddies Program Continues

Although we are gently putting our toes back in the satire waters, our Beacon Buddies program continues. If you are in quarantine (unable to leave your house) and need groceries or prescriptions picked up, please visit http://nanaimobeacon.com/buddies and we will match you with a volunteer Beacon Buddy in your neighbourhood who has raised their hand to help you.