A local miniature schnauzer named Dave has located the only patch of grass in Nanaimo suitable for urinating.

“Honest to god, I’ve had my legs crossed for days now,” said Dave. “I know snow clearing is important for the disabled and all, but why doesn’t anybody think of canine bladders?!”

Dave says it seems the patch was either created by a good samaritan pouring hot water, or this location directly above a portal to hell. “I saw a cat hanging around here, and, well, I think we all know cats are Satan’s spawn.”

The nine-year-old says he won’t disclose the location of the patch for fear of it being “over-run by fucking Chihuahuas.”