“Never ingest the blood coming from your taps during this flushing procedure.” — City health director

Nanaimo’s annual water-main flushing, which helps move sediment and blood from the enemies of City staff from the piping system, will begin on March 2nd.

In a news release issued this morning, the City noted that “Flushing the blood of our enemies through City water mains supports… our staff’s mental wellness goals.”

“The flushing program is temporary,” the City added. “And is not a health hazard, unless the flushed blood is injected.”

This year, the City says it will actually be flushing dramatically less of their enemies’ blood through the system, owing to an overall less toxic work environment in the last year. “We’ve been able to reduce the volume of blood this year by almost 2/3rds, thanks to the absence of former CAO Tracy Samra,” said Vlad Dracula II, Director of Occult Rituals for the City.

“We are certain that the health of Nanaimo citizens will be protected, as we will only be flushing the blood of our really bad enemies,” he added. “Additionally, I will be casting both Avoidance Wards and Ensnaring Circles throughout the flushing period.”

For additional protection, the City recommends citizens evoke the Necronomicon ritual on any evening when the moon is in Virgo. Instructions for summoning the Necronomicon presence is now available on the City’s web site: