NANAIMO — Former animal activist Carole Baskin has been sworn in as one of two new City Park Ambassadors.

The City says Ambassadors will be deployed to major parks to “create awareness of the importance of practising physical distancing while in the parks or on the trails, as well as share other heath-related actions that individuals can take to stay healthy and safe during the COVID-19 pandemic.”

Introduced at a City news conference this morning, Baskin told reporters “I’m just thrilled to be here on Vancouver Island. I understand you have many long dirt roads where one could bury someone in case there was, you know, some kind of tiger accident.”

Media at the news conference looked uncomfortably at each other, prompting Baskin to laugh maniacally, saying “I’m just totally kidding. Totally. Nothing to worry about with me. I’m totally fine. As long as citizens don’t cross me, they have nothing to worry about.”

City officials say Baskin was selected for her history in “making certain problems go away,” and added they feel she will be a helpful addition to the existing bylaw enforcement team.

This post is satire (catire?). But the City of Nanaimo really did announce Park Ambassadors to help patrol parks and remind people about physical distancing. You can read about it here.